Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The brief history of a moment

I had a lot of time to think today, I mostly spent it thinking about how sick of being in a crappy mood I am – writing more directly about it the other day did help to get a bunch of this anger and disillusionment out of my head, many thanks to all those who read it and then talked with me about it later. It’s still bugging me quite a lot, but there’s not a lot I can do about. It makes me sad to have lost two worthwhile people over basically nothing.

So, anyway, I was at work and thinking of something to write about. I’m bored with writing about things that fill me with rage, even if writing it all down does usually empty the rage out of me too. An idea occurred to me, which I hope other people may pick up on (but I won’t hold my breath, link it to me in the comments if you decide to do it – and are ok with me reading it :P). I was thinking about good things that have happened in my life. And after a long and twisted train of thought came to this…

Sometimes things happen to us that will stick with us for the rest of our lives, fleeting moments that grab our attention so completely that they become Technicolor memories, memories we can call to mind so vividly it’s almost like living through them again. Not always good memories, there are shadows lurking in my head, but always important. I’m going to tell you about one so vivid to me that my heart flutters thinking about it. Residual memory makes the sensations of touch as real as they were in those few seconds. I hope that maybe others will be inspired to share their own moments. This particular one makes me shake all over when I recount it. I was shaking like a leaf when it happened.

A kiss for the ages:

I was watching ‘How I met your Mother’ the other day and they talked about the drum roll before a kiss. They’re not all like that, but when they are {swoon}. This was one of those things that had been lurking for ages, months of circling each other. Never quite getting close enough. This night should have gone badly, I was not happy with him, he’d been a dick lately. But all evening things kept pushing us closer and closer together, until finally we were sitting side by side, arms around each other. And I was as nervous as hell, I just had no idea what was going on here. He’d been so ‘come here, come here, go away’ for so long that I didn’t want to make any move myself. I wanted him to be responsible for whatever happened. I’m not always all that clever OK.

How we came to be face to face, just millimetres apart, I don’t really remember. But there we were, frozen for a moment, not quite touching. He leaned just a little forward, so our noses are pressed lightly together. He gently rubs his nose along the length of mine, and I respond in kind. As we move our lips are brought together, tingling and afraid to go further I freeze again but his lips are very gently kissing mine and for a moment I forget everything else, my lips begin to move too. Slow and careful: no lust, all passion. Tongue moving lightly over lips, teeth gently nibbling. The whole universe completely vanished. And as our lips finally came apart we leaned together, foreheads touching, bathed in a warm glow, completely oblivious to everything around us.

See. I’m shaking again.

Peace. Out.

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