Monday, February 27, 2012

Contraception. Make up your fucking mind.

The current bun fight in America (well other places too, but the US makes the most noise, probably because they’re the most poorly behaved children) over contraception is making me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

The idea of banning contraceptives fills me with dread. Have these idiots not thought this through? Because the same people who want to ban contraceptives also want to ban abortions which makes no sense at all to me.(Please don’t get me started on that topic, I have complicated opinions). If we all had the same belief set, I could maybe get on board with it. But we don’t, we are a myriad of beliefs & morals. And it’s just plain WRONG to try to force your beliefs on someone else. That is how wars start. I don’t have a problem with someone thinking contraception and abortion are wrong. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I do have a problem when you try to take other peoples right to an opinion out of the equation. The only fair way is to make it available and leave it in the hands of the individual to decide. There is more to this argument, but I want to stay away from that bit for now.

Sex is primarily the method for propagation of the species. It’s also fun, or rather it should be or you’re doing it wrong. Now I’m actually OK with you believing that it’s meant to be between married people and just for creating babies. I happen to think that’s a very boring opinion, but you’re entitled to it if that’s your choice. But, given that I not only don’t follow that bible thing, but also disagree with it fairly vehemently in many areas – why should I have to live by the rules you say your bible wants YOU to live by? It’s not my book, I’m not even interested in it. It doesn’t fit with my morals and upsets me on a number of levels. It’s not a legally binding document.

I believe that men and women, men and men, women and women… in whatever combination appeals to all involved (and by involved I mean specifically involved, not generally involved in a busybody kind of way)… should enjoy each other as makes them happy. I should be able to commit myself to whichever person or persons want me to, on whatever level of commitment we agree to. This also includes taking responsibility for reproductive possibilities. If we don’t want children, and the means exist to prevent conception while still allowing us to have a satisfying sexual relationship then using that contraception is for me the correct and responsible thing to do. As is taking appropriate steps if that contraception fails. Steps that are appropriate to my moral set. And legal.

There is an argument being made that some forms of contraception are actually destroying the embryo. From the perspective of people who believe that that embryo is a person in its own right already and has its own right to life – I can accept those opinions, they differ from mine but I can accept them. My answer to the people who tell me that those forms of contraception are murder is, don’t use them then. If you believe that by using those methods you are committing murder then you most certainly should not use them. However, I believe that the line at which a life becomes a being in its own right is much further along. For a significant portion of the pregnancy that life is just a bunch of cells with no existence of its own. That’s my opinion, and by my opinion I feel that abortion is acceptable if you have reasonable justification for it. (I’ll open the ‘justification’ can of worms another time) (and the ‘who has a place in the decision’ can of worms)

You see, much like the US, my country is a big old melting pot too. And I’d be mad as shit if people here started trying to tell me I had to run my life by their beliefs. And if the people who are doing exactly that were honest with themselves, they’d hate it if anyone tried to do the same to them. It’s one thing for the government to have made a bunch of laws founded on democratic process. It’s a completely different kettle of fish to have politicians trying to force their flavour on you. In a country that has such mixed culture you cannot base your decisions on one groups beliefs without bigotry, racism, sexism and any number of other –isms. As Ferris Bueller* once said, “a person shouldn’t believe in an ism – he should believe in himself”.

But back to the subject of contraception. What is the problem with it? From a societal perspective it’s a very good thing. It limits population increase, limits the number of unwanted children, lowers the amount of money needed for pregnancy healthcare, childcare & education and lowers the occurrence of many sexually transmitted diseases. Please feel free to add more things it aids with. My brain is on a go-slow today. I really do grasp that some people disapprove of it, mostly on religious grounds. I accept their distaste, I accept that they don’t like my opinion. I’m not particularly keen on theirs either.

Here’s the thing, it’s absolutely lovely if you have the expectation of sex only occurring between married couples, in the pursuit of children. But reality isn’t always the way we want it to be. Reality for me is that, if I choose to have sex, I can enjoy it with whomever I choose, without fear of disease, without the danger of an unwanted pregnancy (ok, to be realistic, with the extremely lowered chance of STD or pregnancy: it isn’t foolproof). Reality for me is that I wish to use contraception when engaging in recreational sex. I’m not trying to be consequence free, I’m trying to take responsible action to ensure my partners and my safety and security. You cannot lay the guilt trip of your beliefs on me because the beliefs I have to live up to are mine. I believe that sex should be between consenting partners, giving and taking pleasure from each other. Between people who understand the risks and potentials and act appropriately in accord with those.

Wanting to enjoy sex does not make me, or anyone else, a slut. Again, your standards are not the ones I have to live up to. Only mine.

It’s being said that a society built on the use of contraceptives sends our children an immoral message. Really? I’m going to use my child as an example here. I hope she forgives me one day for holding her up to the light the way I do. I’m very, very proud of her. My daughter is 15. She understands the consequences of having sex, she understands the risks as well as the joys. She will not give her virginity away lightly. She knows that contraception is very important for teenagers in their early sexual pursuits. Teenagers have hormones, crazy, crazy hormones. That lead them to do stupid things. By educating my daughter in appropriate choices and understanding the consequences of your choices. In teaching her that contraception is available to her when she feels the time is right. In raising her to have a good sense of self esteem, and the understanding that she has every right to say NO. By all these things I have a daughter that I can trust to choose what’s best for her. That I can trust not to make an ignorant mistake. I trust her to look before she leaps. If your children are making immoral decisions it most likely isn’t society’s fault.

I talked to my daughter about this while I was writing it. I told her that there were some people trying to ban contraceptives. She responded, slightly flippantly, by asking if they wanted everyone to get pregnant? She has a point. Though the worse point I think is, do they want everyone to get sick? Because no matter how you want to sell it, people will cheat, people will sleep around, people will move on from old partners. And if you want to tell them they CAN’T do those things either well you’re getting into a whole other argument. One I’ll be wading into shortly.

Peace. Out.



*Ferris Bueller’s day off (1986) Written and Directed by the late, great, John Hughes

3 comments:

  1. Once again I agree with what you have to say.

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    Replies
    1. OMG, have a mind of your own! Teehehehehehehe :)

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    2. I do. It just happens to be in concurrence on many things you say.

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