Today I started writing on long rant on one premise. I abandoned it in favour of a similar one. I'm going to talk about MY beliefs. I avoid this like the plague usually, and in fact I'm not going to go into specifics I'm just going to say out loud more or less where I stand. Or sit. On the fence.
I am an AGNOSTIC. Not because I'm wishy washy and can't make up my mind, but because I honestly cannot be sure that there is or isn't a God, though I strongly suspect (and almost hope) that there isn't. This feeling is not based on empirical evidence but more that if there is a God I'm not particularly thrilled with his/her/their/whatever part in the universe. On just empirical evidence I am an utter fence sitter. Because I CAN see both sides of the fence. There are some things that happen that have the scent of the unknowable on them, but that may simply be because we don't KNOW enough yet.
I'm not one of those people who's going to say "I want to believe" if I wanted to believe then I just would, simple as that - that IS what faith is about right? But I don't want to believe. I also don't not want to believe. It's not even that I don't care, I simply require some real evidence to push me one way or the other. From an emotive position I lean towards Atheism sure. But I remove that from the equation when I decide my actual position. You could probably intuit that the emotive position comes from deep seated anger, you might not even be too far from the truth.
Way back there I said I almost hope there isn't a God. True I do, almost. Because if there is a God then I have to say 'He' seems to be a bit crap. Life blows goats for an awful lot of people, in a way that seems hardly reasonable. I've said in previous 'benders' of mine that I don't follow any organised religion because I simply haven't found one that actually fits with my image of what both God and the Church should be. More or less true, except of course there's that whole doubt issue. I can't in good conscience join a religion if I don't actually believe in God right? And in fact why would I want to?
I go to a Church funded craft group most Wednesdays. It's not technically Church run, though as it is run by members of the Church in question, that's probably a moot distinction. Every week before we start our craft project one of the members takes a turn speaking about something that has moved them for whatever reason. I decline to take part in this since, I'm not a member of their Church (or any other) and don't want to cause a fuss by getting up and not mentioning God in my praising of the universe in general (because they invariable talk about God in whatever they choose to bring up. Sometimes I question the relevance...) But maybe I should. Maybe it is time that I got up and spoke about mans capacity to be morally upright, kind and generous WITHOUT benefit of a religious faith. Because I'm actually sick of the implication from so many 'faithful' people that I am somehow less able to be a decent human being because I don't actively believe in God. There are ways in which I think my inherent decency (blows own horn) is worth more BECAUSE I'm not a 'believer'. I don't have the hand of God hanging over me making me feel I have to behave. I do it because it's right. I don't lend a hand wherever I can so that when I die I get to go to some imagined Paradise. I do it because it's right. I don't even do it just in case it turns out there is a God. Rofl. Which is not to belittle the truly decent amongst Church goers, there is decency everywhere. Kudos to everyone who did something 'Good' today. I do wish there was a touch MORE decency everywhere.
Being nice is actually quite good for the soul. Even if I don't technically have one.
What I specifically believe is no ones business but mine. And those extremely few people who both want to hear about it AND I am willing to tell. Short list, with people on it that might surprise you. Also probably some people are not on it who would be surprised. LOL, I'm complicated like that.