Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Disappointment of a Nation

Yes Foxy, it has the swears.

*As is literally ALWAYS the case in my swear riddled blog, all views herein represent MY VIEW ONLY. 

As much as I have super enjoyed the... what are we up to now 72 hours? Free pass for hurling abuse at the Prime Minister of New Zealand. The time has come for me to take a serious look at what feelings I have about the situation; because as much as I have with joy flung mud, this IS a serious situation. Even if Dear Leader hasn't figured that out yet.

To condense the story as much as possible, for the tribes of darkest Africa that haven't already heard about it - The Prime Minister of New Zealand, The Honourable (*snerk*) Mr John Key, has for months been harassing a young lady in a cafe he frequents in Auckland. He has been pulling her hair. No, actually I'm not fucking kidding. He has been pulling her hair like a ten year old school yard bully. An act that any child can tell you is a douche move. But not, apparently, a grown man with the responsibility for the well being of an entire country. Fucknozzle.
Now, for all that the young lady says that she thinks he initially meant well... actually I don't give a fuck, not a single fuck. He's an adult human being, he should have known better and the fact that he put insufficient thought into his actions is NOT BETTER. We are not talking about a miscommunication here, because there is no point at which she should have had to say "please don't pull on my hair" because it is literally THAT FUCKING OBVIOUS. This not something that you do to someone you barely know, this is not something you do without being 100% certain the other person wants you to. Unless you are a fucking idiot. Or an entirely thoughtless twat. Or something worse, that I'm not going to go into because I don't think it's constructive to raise that spectre in this situation. I don't think he's criminally fucked up on that level, but I do suspect he might have a *thing* for hair - and you know what, that is JUST FINE, I have all kinds of *things*. The trick is, not exposing them in inappropriate places. I don't walk up to soldiers on the street and tell them I likes me a man in uniform. Because that is FUCKING CREEPY. Seriously. STRANGER DANGER. 

The story has raised all kinds of discussions over all kinds of features of the situation; Let's start with was it sexual harassment? Let me ask you this, if you are playing with your partners hair, what do you mean by it? I guess the point I'm making here is that under normal circumstances, touching someones hair is a fairly intimate thing. You wouldn't normally touch the hair of someone you were not pretty familiar with - well I wouldn't, maybe you would, but if you would then I'd find it creepy. If the touch can reasonably be defined as intimate then it can reasonably be defined as sexual harassment when it is unwanted. 

Guys the moral of this story is not that women are too uptight about these things. The moral of this story is FUCKING GET CONSENT FIRST. 

Should John Key be charged with sexual harassment? Or perhaps even sexual assault since he was literally asked to stop and didn't? THAT IS UP TO THE VICTIM. I'm actually pretty pissy at McCready for taking it on himself to file a complaint, it's not his place to do so, he is literally compounding one case of power imbalance with another. 

Which moves us on to the power imbalance... which some people would have shouldn't have been an issue, for various reasons. Look alright if some random in a suit walks into my (imaginary) cafe and is an arsehat to my staff, I'm going to step in and stop them, throw them out if necessary. Make them apologise, properly. If some douchemonkey is being a sack full of crap to ME they'll get 2 warning shots over the bows, then they'll be lucky if there isn't blood.  BUT and this is, I have to say, a fairly monstrously huge but, a but of EPIC proportions. We aren't talking about some random in a suit. We are talking about New Zealands head of government, even I might struggle to tell him to get his fucking paws off me. No I wouldn't, but I am hardly your average person. Dad raised me to know absolutely my value in the world and he priced me pretty damn high. Kings ain't got nothing on me, I'm a GOD baby. The Reptile Overlord wouldn't stand a chance. Any way, enough of my fucking enormous ego. For mere mortals standing up to one's head of government, not an easy thing, especially not when you are ALSO in the position of being a service person employed to serve him as a customer. Tad awkward saying "get your greasy mitts off me sunshine" in these circumstances. Add to that the not small factor that most women are raised to NOT VOICE COMPLAINTS in these circumstances (again, thank you Father mine, I am not so hobbled) and it's no fucking wonder it took her a significant time to say something. And did he stop after she said something? The hell he did. Self absorbed bastard didn't even listen to his WIFE on this one. If I was his wife (excuse I have to go throw up for a minute) I'd have slapped the fucker. Hard. I mean to her surely it looked like her husband was HITTING ON another woman. He might, and I hesitate to grant this, MIGHT have got away with the first one. But I'd have nailed him to the floor on the second. The power imbalance here was ENORMOUS. It's hard to imagine a bigger one without dragging one of the Princes into it and I find it difficult to believe that they have not had better training. 

The arrogance of it all. I mean really, who amongst mere mortals can honestly say they would be willing to walk into their local shops, find a service person they were vaguely familiar with and behave like this? If you can I suggest you get help. 

Let's get this out on the table - I have serious issues with social boundaries, between thinking that many of them are stupid social constructs that I don't actually want to follow, and not actually noticing when I'm approaching lines I have been known to suck at understanding the why of what's going on around me. But I know how to recognise social cues like oh say someone not liking the way I'm fucking touching them. And unless I'm fairly drunk I'm unlikely to do anything monstrously weird - I don't get drunk around people I'm not familiar with, people who know how to tell me to fucking quit it. 
So either Dear Leader sucks at social cues, in which case he shouldn't have risked doing something like that in a public place. Or, he didn't give a crap what she thought about his behaviour, in which case we should hang the fucker out to dry as an entirely inappropriate personality type to be running this country. Or the thing I'm not bringing up, because it's really not likely. Look I hate the guy, and he creeps me the fuck out, but I've never suspected him of worse than being vaguely creepy. And a cunt. 

Basically the situation here is more serious than the Scaly One is giving it credit for. This could do him real damage if he doesn't face up to it properly. Sorry chuckles but a couple of bottles of wine and a vague 'sorry I didn't realise you were upset' is not the same as a proper apology. Being sorry means actually understanding what you did wrong, and being SORRY for it. And since at this point he has also become a PUBLIC embarrassment there's going to have to be an apology to the nation too. Soz 'bout it. Actually I'm really not. The people of this once fabulous nation have been owed an apology for his fuckery for a long time. He and his lackey government have wrecked this countries international image, while destroying our natural beauty. He won't apologise for that, or even acknowledge that it's been fucked it up. Maybe he'll have no choice but to apologise for this colossal embarrassment. But if he won't apologise to us, he'd better at least front up and apologise properly to the young lady he has harmed. Because she most of all deserves to know that he has actually learned his lesson. 

Peace. Out.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I have hoped for this day, it didn't disappoint. Well it did, but that's another story.

* To be very very very clear here, I think the woman who came forward and told her story deserves the country's gratitude for outing the creeper for his behaviour. Many wouldn't have for fear of repercussions it took bravery to stand up over this. Good for her. 

Yesterday a miracle occurred.

A day came when we all got handed a free pass to tear shreds off the Prime Minister of our country with complete legitimacy. And boy did we. 

To be fair, he completely deserved it - though it wouldn't be the first time, it's merely the first time we all felt entirely free to take him up on it. 

I'm not sure if he even begins to grasp what an enormous embarrassment his noxious behaviour is to quite a few of us. To cut a long story as short as possible he was behaving like a schoolyard bully with a crush towards a grown woman serving his bloody coffee in a shop. What person over the age of 12 thinks grabbing a girls ponytail is something they should be doing? Our fucking Prime Minister apparently. And his not actually an apology has left many of us distinctly chilly.

But I'm not here to write about what he did, everyone else is already on top of that and doing a fine job. I am totally here because it was entertaining as hell finally having the opportunity to just TAKE THE PISS for hours and hours in totally public forums about a man I already thought was pretty much a scumbag, and who I wrongly thought couldn't sink any fucking lower. 

NEW terms of abuse were invented solely for the purpose of describing how very awful we currently think our Dear Leader is. Because there simply weren't the words available to allow for the depths of our shame. 

Here is a list of terms I myself used to describe Dear Leader; Douchebag, Serial Hair Creeper, Fucking creepy and gross (I was repeating what someone else had said there), Slimey weasel, C**t, Creep, 12 year old (no offence to the many fine 12 year olds out there), Keystello (as part of the double team of creepers, Abbott & Keystello), Jackass, Wanker, Dick dribble, Muppet, Slimey motherfucker, Dickhead & Doucheclown. There may have been others, I'm too lazy to investigate further.

Other fantastic terms, some of them fresh new ones invented by the cloud collective for the occasion, have included; Trichophiliac, Spaghetti diddle, Ass-douche, Knob-jockey, Cocknozzle, Flaccid-cucumber membered one-handed typist, Douche-nozzle, Dicksplash, Cock monkey, Itchy nipple fungus vector, anal gabbleblotchit on a lurgid vulture & Filiaphile. Facebook did much better than twitter for inventing things.

Some of the finest quotes of the day (uncredited because I don't want to be the cause of... stuff);

Isn't pulling on girls' hair something you learn is unacceptable when you're like... seven? I don't recall EVER thinking it was okay (with the exception of harassing my sisters as is my sacred duty) but then again I guess I'm also not a complete asshole. 

It's the kind of thing that you'd call out a drunk uncle for, regardless of how often he does or says inappropriate things.

Unless Abbott exposes himself to someone before the 6pm news we now currently have the worst Prime Minister.

by that do you mean, 'fucking creepy and gross"? (In response to my saying "Astonishing")

"Yes, that's right, a decent shake. 5.2 on the Richter scale and strong enough to jiggle any ponytail." (Wellington had an earthquake this morning - this quote is from @GCSBIntercepts on twitter, I can credit them because ANONYMOUS for the win)

is that the whole world yet? #ponytailgate ffs #sheepShaggers now #hairpullers #goodOneKey

NZ currently world famous for creeping. Cheers for that, dickhead (This one was me, I'm totally OK with owning it)

When has pony tail pulling ever been "Fun and games"? Even when you were 5, kids were like "Shit unfun game bro".

NZ Politics. I've given up knowing what to expect.

Fucking hell, John Key admits he harangued the waitress, what a bizarre man

This is but a smattering of things said in my hearing, or rather my virtual hearing. So much of the country is embarrassed/disappointed/mortified etc by this current scandal, there are bound to be many excellent one liners I have missed out on. This saddens me.

Please do feel free to pass on any others that you have heard that tickled your fancy. Also If your uncredited quote wants to be credited, do let me know and I will happily oblige.

Peace. Out.

BY REQUEST - Better Business Practices, don't be a fuckwit.

NOW WITH MORE SWEARING. (Thanks to the swear collective of last evening for creative genius in the art of making up abuse.)

A friend of mine recently whirlwind QUIT HER MOTHERFUCKING SOURCE OF INCOME because the place is run by a collection of douchebags and cowboys - we've probably all been there, bad bosses are like the sun, you can expect one to rise every day. But sometimes we get one that just defies logic. A motherfucker of such epic douchnozzlery that it's impossible to imagine HOW they ever got to the position they're in.

My worst was a tremendous combination of completely crap at their job and completely crap at supervising their subordinates without being a crazy horse crack junkie douchefairy about it. (That was all mine, you can buy the rights to my excellent terms of abuse at... no just fucking use them, I don't whore my amateur trade.) This is a person who forced me to go over their head with regular abandon, which would inevitably be followed by savagely mistreating me for weeks because butthurt feefees (for people who don't know, feefees are feelings. This just makes them sound pathetic). Sadly it never occurred that since I gave not a single fuck what they thought I was never going to stop screwing with them. By screwing with them I mean trying to get them to do their fucking job properly. But at least in this case I actually had decent respectable actual humans to go up the chain to.

I've been lucky enough in my working life, that every crappy nutsack of a lameass boss had someone up the chain who didn't suck. The idea of being trapped in a place that had nothing but flaming crapsacks for management is horrific. Certain industries seem to attract them. I won't go into which ones as I have no wish to out any of the people I have got various stories from. KITCHENS! Kitchens fucking attract them. I can say this because stories from kitchens come from ME and I don't have the slightest desire to work in that industry.

The most pleasant job I have ever had was also easily the most stressful, contained the best people and also the single worst person (to work with, they were OK outside of work, more or less). Also the best and worst CEO's I've ever worked under (one of them I would TOTALLY have 'worked under' if you catch my filthy drift.) A great job can be completely ruined by a crap person. Just one, in an army of awesomeness, made going into work seem like submitting to a cavity search some days. 

Here's where I get serious - instead of just hurling made up swears into the atmosphere. Being a crap boss makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Hiring someone who is shit at dealing with people into a position where they deal with subordinates is one of the worst decisions you can make in business. Short of just setting fire to your profits. Happy workers are good workers... the corollary of this definitely and absolutely applies UNHAPPY WORKERS SUCK because they have zero motivation to do their job well. And actual positive motivation to cut corners and slack off at every available opportunity. Because, fuck you if you can't treat me with a modicum of decency. In my great job, with one suck human, I would deliberately do things that highlighted how crap the suck human was. If it was going to make them look bad I would absolutely slack off. AND I LOVED MY JOB. I can't even imagine the shenanigans I'd have got up to if the job had sucked too. Actually given the sorts of shit I pulled at school maybe I can imagine. I have a certain creative flair for douchebaggery. 

People in management are supposed to know about the balance of power and not taking advantage of that. But few seem to remember that it applies beyond the scope of sexual harassment. We're all so terrified of the spectre of sexual harassment (I'm not, I'll sexually harass you six ways from Sunday if I think I can - chill, when I say that I mean I'll flirt like a fucking crazy person if I KNOW you are good with it) but we forget that there are many other ways you can be a dick in the office. And your subordinates are just as powerless - sometimes even more so - in the face of these. I used to work for - A very large fast food company - as a manager, part of a team of managers. Some good some crap. The staff under me loved being on shift with me. Was I too easy going? Nope, my shifts ran like clockwork and came in on target or better more often than not. So why did the people under me love me? Several things. The big one, I think was that there was no job so awful that I wouldn't do it myself if I had time to. Result: If I had to ask a junior to go clean the toilet with a toothbrush for inspection they just did it without argument. Sometimes on closing shifts I would let a senior shift assistant do the managers closing jobs while I did back sink. Why? Because it was good experience for them, and a sink full of dishes isn't actually that frightening. I was all good with singing in the kitchen. I actively told staff that if a customer was being a prick pass them to me. Because they are not paid to put up with that shit. I'm not the worlds best manager... by any stretch. Mainly because I tend not to give a flying fuck about the actual business. I care about people, and am not very good at capitalist mantra. So I tend to be too relaxed about the profit side of the business. But from a subordinates perspective that makes me awesome. It's a balance, I should have worked harder at being a capitalist pig. I am so not cut out for that. Companies should make a profit, I'm just not capable of making that the be all and end all of it. 

I believe that companies profit margins should not be all that they are about. But the happiness of your staff affects your productivity, which in turn affects the bottom line. So all the capitalist pigs out there who forget that the happiness of their employees is key are selling themselves short. You can make even more money by not being a giant dickmonkey to your staff.

Back to the swearing. 

Managers like to have pretty titles. Double edged sword for a wanker, because believe me the staff are turning it into something hilariously abusive behind your back. Personally I have been less impressed by my official work titles than I have by the fun titles I've been given socially. Insatiable Vixen amused me enough to put a tattoo on my back. Sister Hessian Underthings is a scream. I can't even remember half my work titles. Because why would I give a fuck? Oh yes I know, titles are sort of useful for identifying people but seriously no one needs to be chief grand poobah in charge of wanking for profit. This is going somewhere. C.E.O. we probably all know what it actually stands for. Chief Executive Officer. But it's a hollow title these days, because everyone just says CEO and everyone just means Prick in Charge. And 90% of the universe has no idea what Chief Executive Officer even means in real terms. A friend suggested the E stands for Effluent. I can't help but agree. 


Pretty sure this is what is most appropriate for the average CEO. Apart from that one I had that I totally would have shagged,  obviously. He was lush, and a sweetheart. He believed in talking to everyone in the office whenever he had the opportunity to. Good man.

It would be nice if it stood for:

Open Door Policy.

Sometimes it does, and to the people working under those wonderful people I say - Don't take it for granted, tell them they rock. And make sure you take opportunities to talk to them about both the good and the bad around the work place. The Open Door policy is a tremendous thing when the person on the other side of the door is not a giant screaming bastard. An employer who wants to listen, and is actually likely to do something with the information passed to them is worth their weight in... something that appeals to me a lot more than gold. Humanity. If one could weigh such a thing.

The point I am trying to get across, past all the verbal abuse and disbelief, is that being decent to people is not only not bad for business, it is very good for business. Stop being an arsehole, stop hiring arseholes to run your businesses, stop thinking you need to be an arsehole to get ahead. Get with the program. 

Peace. Out.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Bloody periods.

Caution: Contains a frank discussion of bleeding once every 28 or so days, fuck you if you can't deal with it.

Lets talk about girl stuff. For all those men who just don't know fucking anything. #notallmen. Women already know this stuff. Because, d'uh. And we talk about it - well some of us do. My daughter informs me, with unreasonable glee, that she and her friends deliberately talk about 'girl stuff' in front of boys. Because fuck their discomfort. Why is it acceptable to make pre-cum jokes but the second you start talking about bleeding from your v'jay jay everyone turns green? Bite me.

This has been sparked off by a photograph. Can I be bothered to find a copy? YOU BET I CAN.

Upshot: Photographer posted a provocative photograph of a woman lying in bed with a small blood stain on the bed and her pyjama pants. Holy shit, a photograph of something that happens to most women with some regularity. But it's "Yucky" so Instagram tore it down (twice) because people were squicked. (They have since apologised and replaced the content - so kudos for recognising they were W R O N G.) The link incidentally contains the full text of Rupi Kaur's response (the photographer) which is a thing of beauty.

If it had been a casual photo rather than a statement in itself I might have been more tolerant of the hordes of demented people who leaped up to tell everyone how disgusting they all thought it was - to my horror many of these people were fucking WOMEN. Because that's how insidious the attitude is - women who would happily tell their mates that 'holy shit I had a heavy period last month' are EMBARRASSED by a picture of a small leak on the internet. It's not even bloody them. And they were embarrassed on behalf of a chick they didn't know who had AGREED to be in the photo. I DON'T EVEN???????!!!!!!! 


Women bleed regularly for a decent chunk of their lives. Deal with it. Perpetuating the species doesn't work without it. I'm not suggesting that we should all wander around bleeding on every available surface, but it would certainly be nice to lift the veil of dirty secrecy that has no reason to exist any more. We've grown beyond closeting our women away for a lonely bleeding party. It's not witchcraft any more. There are tampon commercials on TV. Do you even know how those work? I've certainly met more than a fair number of men who were only vaguely aware of the basics. It's caused some interesting issues. See as I'm telling some poor lad who hasn't run away sufficiently fast about the natural wonder that is, for me, 3 days of thick, bright red blood seeping from my hoo-hoo (what even is that term? VAGINA. UTERUS. LABIA.) often some woman would be walking past and would burst out with 3 DAYS YOU LUCKY BITCH! Then things would turn from bad to worse as we discussed whether my very heavy flow was worse or better than her light but 7 days flow. While the poor male tried to kill himself with whatever was to hand. My complete lack of cramps also causes much jealousy. I don't blame these women, they sound bloody awful (pun intended). Not to mention often debilitating. Now I'm inclined to think that talking to any random person about these things... PERIODS, we're talking about periods. is probably not necessary most of the time. But then there's all these times when it might be nice to be able to talk frankly about PERIODS. Not saying I have a headache so you can go home from work without squicking your boss. I HAVE AWFUL CRAMPS BECAUSE I AM BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK ELEPHANT. OK you don't actually need to do that, but I'm annoyed by this and very open to hyperbole. It would be nice to be able to tell your partner exactly why you're off your game tonight. Sorry honey, I'm having a particularly heavy period, maybe you could make me a cup of tea. Or, I had a cervical smear today, you know how awful those are.... and have him actually know how awful those are!!! (The mark of a great doctor is that he heats the fucking speculum first.) 

For the uninitiated, the speculum (also know as the duck billed platypus) is a cold steel device, inserted into the VAGINA and cranked apart (I'm not joking) so that the doctor can reach a swab all up inside you to swab your cervix. Cervical Smear. It's at best not a joy filled experience, for some of us it's actively painful (pick me, pick me, pick me) I know women who face the reminder letter from the doctor with a sense of dread. I'm more a sense of resignation to my fate sort of girl. Too much cancer in la familia to not be sensible about it. 

Here's a speculum for your edification.

Ben Elton, bless his comedic gold heart, does a number of routines around the subject of PERIODS. He's a big believer in the idea that men SHOULD know all the details. He admits that he knew less than nothing when he was a younger man. Less than nothing because much of what he 'knew' was assumption and invention. He knew women bled for some unspecified amount of time each month. Didn't have any idea what we did about it. He faintly knew that women had to have a regular smear test but not what was actually involved. And yet I can tell you exactly how a prostate exam goes. It's even been on HouseMD. Mind you they've also done pelvics on House, so kudos to them. No bleeding like a stuck elephant was mentioned, but girly parts were taken seriously. It's a start. 

Ben envisages a world where men have the periods and sees it as a very different place. Where guys in pubs brag about which size of tampon they have to use, and periods days mandated holidays from work. Where leaving a blood spot on the seat is a subject of jocularity not shame. Because it's OK for men to talk about 'gross' bodily functions. They can tell us about the giant dump they just took and expect laughter rather than awkward silence. But can I laugh about the time the tampon string broke and I had to go fishing for that bastard? I can tell the girls - if we've already broached the subject in some way. Or if I have the awesome group of friends that I have. I am so very blessed in my social circle. Good people, with good hearts, and wide open minds. Mostly not due to chemical abuse. Show me the love people. I love you all, you know who you are. 

Normal human function is compartmentalised for discussion, some of it is off limits but we talk about quite a lot of it without very much trouble at all. We all talk about sex like no ones business. Wanna know how to shut that down really fast? Mention period sex. BAM. Complete silence. But sex is not entirely off the table during menstruation. M E N S T R U A T I O N. It's messier and  for some the idea is too off putting. For some it's pretty terrific. For a woman with low lubrication issues it can be the only not externally lubed sex she can have. And here's a kicker. Well here's a kicker for me, and a few other women I've talked to. I am as horny as all fuck when I'm on the rag. I will bang you six ways from Sunday if you're up for it. No I won't, I'm celibate, but I WOULD HAVE. Back in the day. 

Things are improving. Go check out youtube, there are videos of teens talking about period advice. Young women are refusing to keep this in the cupboard. As we should have done when it was our turn. But we needed society to have taken a few steps further forward. And we had other battles to fight. And to give them their credit, there seem to be plenty of young men who are stepping up to improve things too. I find that my LGBT friends (the male ones, the women are already in this game) are far more willing to talk about Menstruation than most straight men. Maybe because they know what it is to have a subject that people don't want to talk about. They listen with the understanding of those who have not been listened to. 

This subject has been way too long in the cupboard. It's a normal process. It may not be something you want me to discuss over dinner, but I should be able to bring it up without fear if I need to, or if I want to share some weird thing. We aren't afraid of it the way we were in the depths of time, or at least we don't have any reason to be. We've just allowed ourselves to believe that it's something icky that we should avoid mention of. It's all in our heads. Like the rest of our hang ups. 

Peace. Out.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Unfortunate truths

*Potential triggers.

I have just read an article and then a study on rape, the psychology of miscommunication even. It was moderately fascinating in a macabre and jaw dropping way.

The basic idea was a bunch of guys being asked about consent issues. It was interesting to watch the chain of thought process that went on - and how apparent it was that these young men had NEVER really thought about it before. It also clarifies the importance of the concept that 'no means no' needs to go. I'm not that convinced of the 'only yes means yes' line either - though only because a number of people seem to be unable to deal with the concept of consent withdrawn. Yes means probably, until there is a no. No overrides yes. Why can't this be simple?

Here is a list of the times it's acceptable to continue after you have an indicator that your partner does not want this to continue...

That's right. Never. It is never OK, because to continue without clear consent is rape. And the onus is on YOU not to do that. The person who just said no, is not committing a crime by doing so. If you continue, without consent, you are committing a crime. It's really quite simple.

If only various legal systems around the world would catch up with this basic truth. We keep get tied up in issues that shouldn't be issues. What the victim did 'wrong'. Whether the victim acted irresponsibly or not is actually irrelevant, and it is time we acknowledged this. By excusing rapists because 'she provoked him' or one of far too many other stupid justifications, we suggest that men are incapable of controlling themselves. We excuse the inexcusable.

There are of course many problems that lead to this environment where we excuse rape even in some of the worst cases.

This sort of hell bollocks thing for example. It might be best to give that link a miss. It's fairly rage inducing.

So many times, when a rape case hits the media, there are cries of 'women lie about rape' and attempts to find ways she was 'asking for it'. Why do we do this? The statistics don't really bear out the lying idea, the number of accusations that are dropped or thrown out as false is actually tiny. 2% tiny. About on par with other felonies.

A brief piece on that (American figures natural, and I'm too lazy to dig for anything else)

These figures are disputed, but the figures that are shown in those cases are fairly mad and often include such things as, all accusations that didn't go to trial as well as those thrown out of court for any reason. Now as anyone who has dealt with a rape case will tell you - a LOT of women drop their case because it's too bloody stressful to continue. Or because the unbelievably low success rate of rape trials is just so very fucking depressing. What's the point? But the problem both persists and goes further. Because those cases that do get to court, hardly any of them gain a conviction. Why? Because they invariably degenerate into a blame game where anything that might make the victim look bad is trotted out... see why we don't want to go to trial, fuck that shit. And we are not even dealing with things that SHOULD make the victim look bad in the majority of cases. How short was her skirt? Who the fuck cares? Is there a law against short skirts I don't know about - I don't even know why that one comes up so much, since the majority of rape victims weren't wearing anything you'd call skanky even if you are all uptight. Was she walking home alone at night? I'm sorry does some kind of sign only visible to rapists appear over our heads when we do that? "Free pass to rape me" Nope. Still not breaking any laws. Still putting the onus to prevent the crime on the victim, which is bullshit. BULL. SHIT. If my store is robbed late at night, no one tells me I should have closed earlier. Because that would be bullshit. Did she actually SAY no? Did she try to get away? Did she fight? Was she 'physically injured'. In other words, was it a 'real rape' or just one of those pretend ones where there wasn't any consent but sex was had anyway... if you can't sense the sarcasm dripping off that you need help.

I don't think society realises what a huge deal it is for a woman to report a rape AT ALL. Most rapes are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. Suddenly there is both a drop in the likelihood of getting a conviction... "you knew him" "you let him in" "you drank with him" BLAMING THE VICTIM AGAIN. And SO. MUCH. BULL. SHIT. On top of that if the agressor is known to you, he's probably known to your friends or your family or maybe he IS family. Suddenly reporting the rape gets even harder. Because your support people are involved, and you know there's a chance they will take the other side. Can you even imagine? You've had something unbelievably awful happen to you and your support crew are looking after your attacker. I don't even like to think about  it.

I understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty. I thoroughly approve of it. People's lives can be ruined by a false allegation, if people go around believing guilt before the trial has even begun. But it works the other way too. If you go around suggesting that the victim is 'making it all up' before the trial has even begun not only do you potentially endanger the trial proceedings, you also put the victim in a position where if the trial finishes without a guilty verdict she will likely be accused of lying about it for some time to come. Hell even with a guilty verdict this happens. If you label the victim as a tramp, as a fool, as whichever flavour of 'asking for it' is being served today, she has to wear that regardless of the outcome. We need to stop deciding these cases this way. We need to stop seeing excuses for the crime and only examine whether a crime was in fact commited. Maybe trials of this nature need to be explicitly broken into sections. Establish guilt. Establish culpability. Establish sentence. Because it seems that in many cases people will tend to assume that any even vaguely mitigating circumstance (even ones that are not actually mitigating circumstances goddamnit) give grace to see the attacker walk free.

I wasn't going to go into consent, but I think there is one big thing I want to say, that revolves around the idea. Sex is supposed to be GREAT. We are literally designed for sexual intercourse to be super amazing for both sexes. I mean seriously, it is supposed to be FUCKING AWESOME, for all participants. You are supposed to want your partner or partners to be having a good time as well as you. A fucking amazing time. The aim is for everyones bell to get rung. If you're not playing as a team, maybe it's time to look at what you are doing. If you are doing it for any reason other than mutual enjoyment, probably don't eh? (OK I MIGHT let you away with procreation - but seriously if you're trying to have a baby, with someone you love and you don't care about both of you taking pleasure in it, then maybe examine that decision too.) Not having sex won't actually kill you. Restraining yourself is also very cool and powerful. Do that instead. I'll have infinitely more respect for you.

Peace. Out.