Thursday, April 23, 2015

I have hoped for this day, it didn't disappoint. Well it did, but that's another story.

* To be very very very clear here, I think the woman who came forward and told her story deserves the country's gratitude for outing the creeper for his behaviour. Many wouldn't have for fear of repercussions it took bravery to stand up over this. Good for her. 

Yesterday a miracle occurred.

A day came when we all got handed a free pass to tear shreds off the Prime Minister of our country with complete legitimacy. And boy did we. 

To be fair, he completely deserved it - though it wouldn't be the first time, it's merely the first time we all felt entirely free to take him up on it. 

I'm not sure if he even begins to grasp what an enormous embarrassment his noxious behaviour is to quite a few of us. To cut a long story as short as possible he was behaving like a schoolyard bully with a crush towards a grown woman serving his bloody coffee in a shop. What person over the age of 12 thinks grabbing a girls ponytail is something they should be doing? Our fucking Prime Minister apparently. And his not actually an apology has left many of us distinctly chilly.

But I'm not here to write about what he did, everyone else is already on top of that and doing a fine job. I am totally here because it was entertaining as hell finally having the opportunity to just TAKE THE PISS for hours and hours in totally public forums about a man I already thought was pretty much a scumbag, and who I wrongly thought couldn't sink any fucking lower. 

NEW terms of abuse were invented solely for the purpose of describing how very awful we currently think our Dear Leader is. Because there simply weren't the words available to allow for the depths of our shame. 

Here is a list of terms I myself used to describe Dear Leader; Douchebag, Serial Hair Creeper, Fucking creepy and gross (I was repeating what someone else had said there), Slimey weasel, C**t, Creep, 12 year old (no offence to the many fine 12 year olds out there), Keystello (as part of the double team of creepers, Abbott & Keystello), Jackass, Wanker, Dick dribble, Muppet, Slimey motherfucker, Dickhead & Doucheclown. There may have been others, I'm too lazy to investigate further.

Other fantastic terms, some of them fresh new ones invented by the cloud collective for the occasion, have included; Trichophiliac, Spaghetti diddle, Ass-douche, Knob-jockey, Cocknozzle, Flaccid-cucumber membered one-handed typist, Douche-nozzle, Dicksplash, Cock monkey, Itchy nipple fungus vector, anal gabbleblotchit on a lurgid vulture & Filiaphile. Facebook did much better than twitter for inventing things.

Some of the finest quotes of the day (uncredited because I don't want to be the cause of... stuff);

Isn't pulling on girls' hair something you learn is unacceptable when you're like... seven? I don't recall EVER thinking it was okay (with the exception of harassing my sisters as is my sacred duty) but then again I guess I'm also not a complete asshole. 

It's the kind of thing that you'd call out a drunk uncle for, regardless of how often he does or says inappropriate things.

Unless Abbott exposes himself to someone before the 6pm news we now currently have the worst Prime Minister.

by that do you mean, 'fucking creepy and gross"? (In response to my saying "Astonishing")

"Yes, that's right, a decent shake. 5.2 on the Richter scale and strong enough to jiggle any ponytail." (Wellington had an earthquake this morning - this quote is from @GCSBIntercepts on twitter, I can credit them because ANONYMOUS for the win)

is that the whole world yet? #ponytailgate ffs #sheepShaggers now #hairpullers #goodOneKey

NZ currently world famous for creeping. Cheers for that, dickhead (This one was me, I'm totally OK with owning it)

When has pony tail pulling ever been "Fun and games"? Even when you were 5, kids were like "Shit unfun game bro".

NZ Politics. I've given up knowing what to expect.

Fucking hell, John Key admits he harangued the waitress, what a bizarre man

This is but a smattering of things said in my hearing, or rather my virtual hearing. So much of the country is embarrassed/disappointed/mortified etc by this current scandal, there are bound to be many excellent one liners I have missed out on. This saddens me.

Please do feel free to pass on any others that you have heard that tickled your fancy. Also If your uncredited quote wants to be credited, do let me know and I will happily oblige.

Peace. Out.

No comments:

Post a Comment