Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I am Rtmiss

No Fitz, I am not going to write about my damn feet. They're awesome and everything but I have no current photos.

So I'm celibate. Have been for *mutter mutter* years. I think this causes a certain amount of confusion for certain people who know me, and definitely causes confusion for people who are getting to know me. And people who merely know me via other people.

Because I'm also a flirt. And occasionally quite sleazy. And not against sexual dubiousness. Quite pro it actually, in a nobodies personal boundaries being overstretched kind of way (IE: it's all very well to make vaguely obscene remarks (etc) to someone you know shares your perverted sense of humour, but lay off anyone that doesn't). Then there's the whole dancing at parties thing. Look I don't _really_ mean anything by it OK? There is little chance that anyone is going to convince me to behave (especially during Closer ). And nobody's asked me to.

Here's who I am. Dad named me after Artemis and he was bang on the money. I'm a born hunter. The thrill of the chase and all that. To drag a metaphor out, while I enjoy the hunt and even the capture, I'm not particularly interested in the 13 course meal that results. To keep yanking at the metaphor... I realise that there are a number of guys out there who would be more than happy for me to just order the appetiser but you see the problem is not with them it is with me. Once I start I have a tendency to keep eating until I make myself sick. Not in one sitting you understand, I may have earned the nickname Insatiable Vixen (tally ho!) but I'm not entirely without limit.

In a nutshell the problem is, I fall in love. Stupidly head over heels. With my whole, huge heart. Far too quickly and far too completely (insanely, if you like). So I decided I wouldn't bother with that anymore - it was just screwing me up. Yes I probably could go seek professional help, but - and this may come as a surprise - I don't fucking want to. I'm actually reasonably content with who I am. Skeletons and all.

This is usually the point at which people suggest healthy one night stands... except that I find them deeply unsatisfying - not that I'm exactly a seasoned explorer of the realm. I don't have an issue with the concept, it just doesn't seem to work for me. And since neither does the other thing, I gave it up for Lent. And the rest of the time. Which has done me less harm than you might think. And forces me to examine passing infatuation, of which there have been a few. None that I had any real intent towards, but a spark of interest you might say. Or horny if I want to be entirely honest, which is traditional in these bouts of over share.

While I'm oversharing... I also develop very close bonds with the closest of my friends, and occasionally with people I have literally no (obvious) reason to bond with. I have a few close friends that I HAVE NEVER MET. I usually know long before they do that the bond will be eternal. It's a knack, I suppose you might say. I recognise kindred spirits - not alike spirits you understand - people that I instinctively KNOW I will get along very well with. I've only cocked it up once, I've never been wrong. I got overly enthuastic about forging a bond with someone and scared the living bejeesus out of them. I can be a LOT passionate about things. I can be a total handful - I am aware of this. But if I love you, I love you forever. I am very protective of those in my heart. And a hug monster. If I hug you regularly then you live in the deepest part of my soul. "Don't be afraid. Just walk on in."

Peace. Out.


  1. So the problem is you love not lightly, but too well?

    1. Pretty much. Combined with being unwilling to completely separate physical and emotional love. And being less than careful when falling in love. Basically I'm a love moron.