I had a lot of time to think today, I mostly spent it
thinking about how sick of being in a crappy mood I am – writing more directly
about it the other day did help to get a bunch of this anger and
disillusionment out of my head, many thanks to all those who read it and then
talked with me about it later. It’s still bugging me quite a lot, but there’s
not a lot I can do about. It makes me sad to have lost two worthwhile people
over basically nothing.
So, anyway, I was at work and thinking of something to write
about. I’m bored with writing about things that fill me with rage, even if
writing it all down does usually empty the rage out of me too. An idea occurred
to me, which I hope other people may pick up on (but I won’t hold my breath,
link it to me in the comments if you decide to do it – and are ok with me
reading it :P). I was thinking about good things that have happened in my life.
And after a long and twisted train of thought came to this…
Sometimes things happen to us that will stick with us for
the rest of our lives, fleeting moments that grab our attention so completely
that they become Technicolor memories, memories we can call to mind so vividly
it’s almost like living through them again. Not always good memories, there are
shadows lurking in my head, but always important. I’m going to tell you about
one so vivid to me that my heart flutters thinking about it. Residual memory
makes the sensations of touch as real as they were in those few seconds. I hope
that maybe others will be inspired to share their own moments. This particular
one makes me shake all over when I recount it. I was shaking like a leaf when it
happened.
A kiss for the ages:
I was watching ‘How I met your Mother’ the other day and
they talked about the drum roll before a kiss. They’re not all like that, but
when they are {swoon}. This was one of those things that had been lurking for
ages, months of circling each other. Never quite getting close enough. This
night should have gone badly, I was not happy with him, he’d been a dick
lately. But all evening things kept pushing us closer and closer together,
until finally we were sitting side by side, arms around each other. And I was
as nervous as hell, I just had no idea what was going on here. He’d been so ‘come
here, come here, go away’ for so long that I didn’t want to make any move
myself. I wanted him to be responsible for whatever happened. I’m not always
all that clever OK.
How we came to be face to face, just millimetres apart, I
don’t really remember. But there we were, frozen for a moment, not quite
touching. He leaned just a little forward, so our noses are pressed lightly
together. He gently rubs his nose along the length of mine, and I respond in
kind. As we move our lips are brought together, tingling and afraid to go
further I freeze again but his lips are very gently kissing mine and for a moment I
forget everything else, my lips begin to move too. Slow and careful: no lust, all
passion. Tongue moving lightly over lips, teeth gently nibbling. The whole
universe completely vanished. And as our lips finally came apart we leaned together, foreheads touching, bathed in a warm glow, completely oblivious to everything
around us.
See. I’m shaking again.
Peace. Out.
*like*
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